Dreaming Big – The possibilities scare me into inaction.

Welcome! Today I’d like to thank you for reading my blog. It is a great pleasure to write and share with you and I appreciate your taking the time to read it.

This post is inspired by a blog prompt from Dungeonprompts. This week’s prompt is DREAMING BIG.

To dream big?!? When I grew up, dreams in our house were very small. Yet we did dream all the same. We dreamed of my parents finding jobs. We dreamed of having a good place to live. We dreamed of having more than just enough to survive. Our home was full of small hopes. Hopes that never died even through the adversity we faced. Each new place and circumstance came with its own dreams.

My story begins there. As I grew up I learned to keep my eyes on the ground in front of me. To keep my hopes and dreams small. To get what I wanted and needed one step at a time. And I am glad to say that I have come a long way one small dream at a time.

But to dream big? The very idea is daunting. To write this blog post gives part of me a sense of dread. To that part of me dreaming big is to suffer big disappointment, and to write about dreaming big makes it that much closer to a reality. Thus it brings me that much closer to inner death. The death of a dream born on the wings of adversity and eventual disappointment.

So my internal pragmatist jumps in and takes over, keeping my vision short-sighted and my hopes well within the level that my inner fears will not be triggered by. Yet it’s not a pragmatism born of knowledge about how to go about achieving my goals. It’s a pragmatism born of my fear of falling short of my dreams. It’s a very limiting pragmatism.

But to dream big? The very idea creates feelings of anticipation. The very thought of dreaming big is enough to get me (F)eeling (E)xcited (A)nd (R)eady. My pulse rate rises and my mind races through the paths of prediction, blazing through the imagined futures of my possibilities.

But I am confused by this inner sense of readiness. It feels the same as real fear. It reminds me of the pain of disappointment. It reminds me that I never got to play the trumpet. It reminds me of Boy Scout badges unearned. It reminds me of the fighting in my family and the break-ups that forced us to move again and again. It reminds me of the anger of others at me for staying in my room and working on my games.

In my mind all possibilities of achieving my dreams become blocked. So I flee back away from those big dreams. I put my head down and continue along the small dreams, the dreams my own limiting thinking believes are possible.

But to dream big!! I never learned to be a quitter, but I have been quitting. I have quit before I even began. I have quit to avoid the anticipation of fear. Anxiety strikes again! 

Until this blog prompt I never focused my mind on the question. If I was to dream big what dreams would I have?

I have no five-year plans. I have no vision of myself beyond the next iteration. All my goals and plans are related to small dreams. Don’t get me wrong. My goals have placed me along a path that can take me far. But my vision on that path is placed firmly right on the ground in front of my feet.

To dream big? You know, I don’t really know what that is like to do. I can imagine it’s like walking with my head faced up to the sky of possibility without knowing what my feet will encounter. But what if I trip? What if I lose? What if I fail?

Those voices are strong, but I know them all too well. The voices that I learned so long ago. Voices that do not now serve my highest and best.

So today I will choose to Dream Big!

Will you dare with me to dream big? Will you share your dreams with me here? Will you post a dream you are afraid to share out loud in the comments below? Will you share with us here that thing that makes you feel excited and ready? Will you?

I will get us started.

I dream to speak to groups and crowds and let my story serve as inspiration to those whom it will. 
I dream of meeting Tony Robbins and spending time sharing ideas with him.
I dream to publish a table-top role-playing game and a novel. 
I dream to blog and vlog so others can remember, laugh, and cry along with me.
I dream to create and learn something new everyday, so that when I look back there is a trail of works in my path of learning.

Thank you and bless you one and all for being present in, and participating in, my life.

2 thoughts on “Dreaming Big – The possibilities scare me into inaction.

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