Welcome! Today I’m writing a post prompted once again by the DungeonPrompt. The prompt this week is “What Does Love Look Like?”
I love the word love.
Love is the energy of the sun upon my back warming me while I walk on a cool beach here in the Northwest.
Love is the empathy that brings tears to my eyes when I hear the pain borne by a friend in their childhood.
Love is my grandmother rubbing my eight-year-old toes after I had gone into a rage at my brother.
Love is the smell of my grandfather’s roast that has cooked all the while we went to church.
Love is the librarian at the Wasilla Public library who put me to work shelving books when I came there after school when I was struggling the most with my family.
Love is the presence of God listening to me when I walked alone on the college campus lost when my roommates had pressured me to move out by playing cruel jokes on me.
Love is the money my grandfather sent when I was almost unable to pay for school.
Love is a feeling that comes over me when I see my children.
I feel like there is a simple story to tell to explain how far away from love I once felt even though I know now that I was never without love.
When I was 15 I was homeless in Alaska and winter was coming. I was filled with anger and hurt. I was known to my family as having a heart of ice. I cared for no one’s feelings. I enjoyed making fun of people and sometimes hurting them physically. During this time I was disconnected from God and, it can be said, felt no joy in my life.
But even in this place God and people would not abandon me. A parent came to our school one day. She was there to tell us about what it was like to become a Certified Public Accountant (CPA). I was mesmerized. At that very moment, in what was my darkest time, I saw a light — a light that I could become something. I could do what she did and learn to be an accountant. I could overcome all the circumstances in my life, get a master’s degree, and become a CPA.
Some people dream of being pro-football players. Some people dream of being actors. I dreamed of being a CPA. The warmth of that dream gave me warmth on cold nights. The universe had heard my plea from deep inside my despair and brought me an answer. I took that lifeline as a way out of the pain.
I still believe that the CPA who came to talk to us that day kept me from doing something more drastic to get attention and cope with my pain. The hope she gave me was tangible and I call that gift she gave me Love.
Love is the thing that happens when I put my ego aside and humbly fill my heart with gratitude, while I wait for the universe to hear my prayers and engage me in the act of creation.
I am love. You are love. We are love.